Hey! It's not a fight!!

Why does every suggestion of following rules in our culture become a fight?

I wonder?

I stand many an evening in the back porch of my home facing a large lawn requesting different groups of children and many parents too, to please heed the rules and play badminton, frisbee, soft ball etc. discussing with them how it is dangerous to the young babies out with their grandparents or ayahs if a big ball were to come flying and hit them.

Most of the days there is argument "Aunty it will not happen we will be careful etc" Äunty why should we stop playing, we have no park here".  I Agree. But, it doesn't change the fact that a ball is a ball and a strong kick many a times hits the lamps in the lawn shattering it's connecting wires.

Many a time the balls have come flying into my balcony.Good no one got hit.....so far.

My husband warns me at times..."Let it be, let them play, some one might get nasty and bitter with you.Why do you have to guard all the lamps in the lawn and all the bachhas in the prams or the elderly aunty taking a walk, no one else complains, why do you?" So, some days I let it be and try to enjoy the weather.

This evening too I stood in my porch (pic above) watching some sweet children playing in the park with a football (It had rained there are wires around that lamp I thought) in my usual way called out to the kids and said " beta, this is not the right place to play with a football, do you have badminton rackets,I too want to play with you?' It was a pleasant evening just after the much awaited showers.

Three maids, who were with this group of 7-12year olds sat chatting amongst themselves on the bench. I told them, help the children understand : aap samjhao bacchon ko lamps ke paas ball na kheilein, aaj barsaat hui hai, current bhi lag sakta hai" (it has rained heavily today, they are playing right next to the lamp, can even get electrocuted' ...maids responses: total ignore, looked away into horizon...I loudly said " if you will not explain to the kids I will have to call a guard and tell the kids the rules". 

Suddenly a mother appears with her son whose football it was (I am guessing) and stomps towards where the kids had been playing telling her son...you play.Her entire body language suggested animosity...."how dare you tell my son not to play.She flayed her hands at me in a "bahut ho gaya chup raho" silence...I am in charge here!" when I had not even said anything to her..she was acting on behest of her 7/8/9 year old kid "aunty ne khelne ke liye manaa liya hai" aunty has forbidden me to play. I spoke up "It is not a fight, I am not fighting with you..I just want that the children should play a safer game and not a ball game" 

The lady's husband suddenly appears in his first floor balcony and says loudly across the lawn to me "This is my property" he hollered at me across the lawn. "Yes, and the lamp is also your lamp,can break... the kid is your kid....can get.... He replied magnanimously " I don't know if you are on rent or owner here, but this property is mine and if the lamp breaks I will (thumping chest) pay for it" this was on repeat so I quickly gave in, what does one say or do? " You go right ahead sir and get your kids to play football here, do join for a cup of tea sometime" I said. Maybe over a friendly cup of tea he will not feel that I am his enemy and that we have to fight and make a huge issue about teaching our young ones some basics also keeping them safe in the process.I was contemplating going over and amicably discussing but better sense prevailed.

It does not matter who they are, who yelled at me,spoiling a perfectly blessed cool evening.I feel sad that as humans we are not trusting of each other at all.Why would the parents feel I was trying to be bigger then them.They knew they were teaching their kids to break rules and disobey. The is the reason for their anger.The ego.Why would they not feel the need to be friends with me, after all all these children play in front of my eyes every day.If ever anything were to happen to any of them while playing I will be the nearest and the first one to run and protect and take care of any of them if anyone were to get hurt or well....... in my mind the open wires in the lawns are a big electricity hazard especially for kids lost in their games to know where they are stepping.......but that is another story.

These are a few of my favourite reads......

There is a song by Cliff Richard called "Wired for Sound"....This is post like that song. I like different books for different reasons. How does one choose ones favourite books? And my liking for a book at a particular time depends entirely on my mood and my need at that given moment.

I like “Little women by Mary Alcot” because I learn to be ‘content’, just reading it, simple lives, simple joys…I love the way the mother of the girls goes from neighbor to neighbor helping everyone and being “like” a working mother and yet doing so much good to society and for that how the girls love and respect her.Yes, it forms a part of my favorites list. 

But, on other days a favourite would be a ‘Rats, sorry King Rat by James Clavell’ when my mood and need would be to feel one with the strife of war and to be grateful for my own secure cocoon.

 Another state of mind necessitates historical, period books such as ‘The Pillars of the Earth’ by Ken Follett wherein the slow shift from religion to science and from orthodox thinking to modern thought is brilliantly captured by Follett in the medical and (technological) architectural processes that shaped post medieval Europe and as a Sociologist I much enjoy this kind of reading of society. 

Another favourite and a book I saw being read and reread by my father when I was a little girl (and even today, I do hope to inherit his writing skills, he maintais a diary of notes of and from his favourite reads!!, what a man!!) is ‘The Passions of the Mind” by Irving Stone and also “The Agony and the Ecstacy” and “Lust for Life” by the same author.These are my favourites even though I can recall only some portions of them and I can safely admit that they have not been read by me ‘cover to cover’ but yes, they are part of my favorite list.That makes six.

I often find myself telling anecdotes from another favourite “Maus” which is an interesting graphic novel by Art Spiegelman, this is usually when I am in a ‘teach my kids the value of stuff and the necessity to believe in the worthiness of frugality’ mood.I appreciate how the father of the protagonist uses his teabags more than ten times during the course of the day as this was what they would do during his time at Auschwitz. He would sometimes even use the same teabag the whole month (all from memory so might be wrong about exact anecdote).I now use my tea bags at least four times a day (much to some of my friends chagrin)

 So, you see there are different things one takes back from books that come to make it ones favourite. I like "Nirmala" by Premchand for it laid the foundation for my interest in Sociology and social commentary when I was very very young....and many many many more ……..maybe I should stop

Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river.......

In "The Empire and Expeditions of Alexander the Great" (1833. Retrieved 2013) there is a discussion of the The Beas River (in north India) which marks the eastern-most border of Alexander the Great's conquests in 326 BC. 

The Beas River is a powerful river, a river to behold!! Said  I when I felt it gushing past me and all around me: "such an angry river this is" and angry it was!! 

The Beas rises in the Himalayas in central Himachal Pradesh, India, and flows for some 470 kilometres!!! Just imagine!! (290 mi) to the Sutlej River in the Indian state of Punjab.

 Interestingly the Beas was the river which created problems in Alexander's invasion of India. His troops mutinied here in 326 BCE, refusing to go any further; they had been away from home for eight years. Alexander shut himself in his tent for three days, but when his men did not change their desires he gave in.

In the 20th Century, it is this same Beas river which was developed under the Beas Project for irrigation and hydroelectric power generation purposes.The second-phase Pong Dam was completed in 1974 followed by the first-phase 140 km (87 mi) upstream,Pandoh Dam in 1977. I got a chance to see this dam just recently. And here it is, the absolutely fantastic Pandoh Dam in all it's glory:

How minuscule one feels in the splendor of nature.......More soon, from the glorious land of the glorious River Beas....the capital in the river as it is not just a river it is a River and the emphasis it deserve like no other!!

Unaa Paloma Blancaaa......

I'm just a bird in the sky...
Unaa paloma blancaaa...over the mountains I fly....
when the sun shines on the mountains
and the night is on the run...
it's a new day it's a new way...
and I fly up to the sun.....

 A picnic is a state of mind.....
Someone asked me where are you headed? Where is this picnic you are planning to go to over the weekend...
Well, I thought and guess this is what I found....

It's a picnic to have the kids around the entire day, their friends....running around, going up and down each other's homes, collecting flowers....giving the dog a bath and him sitting in the sun with his friend, the lion!!...children having a free hand in making junk food for themselves (read maggi) baking cake, mucking up the bedspreads in the rooms, leaving the tv running all day with noone really watching..... books, chalks, stuff  strewn on the table, the sofa, leaving the rocking chair crooked..cushions not in place...shoe marks all over the floor...someone or other yelling to shut the doors, reduce the music volume...............yes, picnic is indeed a state of mind.

Some kinda druid dudes lifting the veil....

To heal the body, first heal the mind....

Today is the day for observation.
Today I have to observe my mind. Be conscious of my thoughts.
Where does my mind wander naturally?
Into fear or fantasy?
Humor or stress? 
Irritability or contentment?
Anger or acceptance?
Jealousy or satisfaction?
Today I will follow my mind, and observe where it goes to feed itself.
Do I like what I see?
Do I like what I think?
Must reflect today on the wanderings of my mind.

Heal the mind to heal the body.

....playing those mind games together....
pushing the barriers planting the seeds...
                                                                                   Just playing those mind games...

Strange days indeed.....

Happiness has been present yes, but there has been a constant, dull, slow sadness...
but then how long can one endure sadness?
one has to move on...
there is too much else in life than what makes one sad...
we may not understand the ways of the world or the ways in which the almighty operates...
the questions always remain...to come back and haunt us...
 just when we think the answers don't matter...

'Acceptance brings relief'

 Is not all of the above a part of everyone's lives at some point or the other? And do we all not learn in our own ways to accept? Acceptance of one's past, of the current situation one is in, of the things we cannot answer or can not change, brings in it's wake relief. A certain unburdening, a peacefulness we all want but many a times do not consciously know, we seek.

The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay...

Conscious awareness of today, of the present, of the moment reiterates that each day is a new beginning. Each day of abstaining from the past offers us a chance to look ahead with hope. Conscious awareness of the power that is within us to move on strengthens us moment by moment, slowly but surely.

Of pea-pods, social media sites and magic!

                                                                                                                                                               

 And what exactly do posts on a food blog about pea pods, and grandfathers have in common? They bring back a flood of memories that's what, and here's how!

When I was around 14-15 years old my paternal grandfather had an eye condition which had to be left for over a year to get to a stage where it could be operated upon. His eyesight in one eye grew increasingly hazy and so the avid reader in him got very frustrated. Finally he found a way to pass his time. On winter afternoons sitting in the balcony in the sun he and I would separate methi (fenugreek) and spinach leaves from their stems, string beans, then cut them by hand and the most favorite of all, de-seed peas and then string and peel  the pods. I still remember him taking his long graceful fingers over the pods to feel the ridges/smoothness as he could not see them clearly. Hard ridged ones were discarded and soft ones were peeled (almost plastic texture of the peel).He kept the nail of his right thumb slightly longer than the others on his perfectly manicured hands, so as to be able to peel the inner membrane of the pea-pods easily. He spoke even as he peeled, he would point out to me that the peel must be removed 'fully' as it can actually choke you or cut your mouth or tongue as sometimes  it does not soften even with cooking.

 Well, my ma added the peeled, hand-cut pea pods to the mutter-aloo (peas and potato curry) being made, and voila! maejeeque!!! such an increase in the yummy pea flavour !! Sometimes the excess pods were put in the ‘ jira-rice’ being cooked and again the magical change in flavour. I have since then never discarded the peels. I remember 'Bhaisaab' (elder  brother)( everyone called him that at home and outside!!)  each time I peel the pea-pods. I might sound like a ‘bakri’ (goat who loves greens) but I also use every single portion of the cauliflower in the vegetable dish I cook.And these my dear dear friends are some of my deepest closest memories of pea-pods. 

The link to the food lovers’ blog that I so love on facebook is: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/sikandalous/

Also, just for the many I am sure would be somewhat puzzled, as I am certain I would have been, had I not had the teenage tutorial from my dear gramps, as to how on earth can a pea-pod be peeled, here is a quick run-through on how to peel and use the oh! so soft and succulently fresh pea-pods:

Method:

• Select firm yet fresh and soft pea pods.
• Separate the two halves of each pod.
• Now fold and press each half of the pea pod in such a way that the outer fleshy side of the pod remains outwards.You will hear snapping sound when a fresh pea pod is folded and pressed.
• Further remove the inner tough membrane of pod,by gently sliding it down along the length of the pod from inside.Try to avoid jerky movements which might break the membrane.
• Make sure to remove the full length of the membrane.
• Follow the same procedure for all the pea-peels and then chop or simply hand break them into small pieces like so.
• Use these pieces to add substance and flavor to any number of dishes viz: saute-ed vegetables, dry shelled pea and potato saute, peas and potatoes curry also in any number of rice dishes you can add these wonderfully flavorful pieces.

Also, for those of you keen to know more about different kinds of peas and recipes of pea here is a very interesting link that I just froke out on:  

http://www.recipetips.com/kitchen-tips/t--1141/all-about-peas.asp

Do write in with more ideas on how best to use vegetable parts that we often discard and which are quite packed with nutrients.

Till next time then happy peaing and podding (pun very much intended) aaahahahaahahaaaa!!!! :))


Post Script: For those of you who might wonder about the eye condition my grandpa had:

Do cataracts need to be "ripe" before they can be removed?
This was true many years ago but is not any more. Modern microsurgical techniques have made it possible for us to remove cataracts (a haziness which develops over time in the eye's lens) at any stage. Surgery, however, should only be performed when cataracts are causing you significant problems with your eyesight, such as trouble with your distance vision, difficulty seeing to drive (particularly at night), reading problems, glare, ghost images or double vision in one eye, or a halo around lights. We perform many cataract operations each year. These are never performed just because they are "ripe" but are based on how the cataract is effecting your visual needs. 

Information on cataract from:  http://ruxtoneye.com/lasersurgery.html

Of love, subservience, violence and social change...

Disclaimer: Sociological commentary, not for the extremely emotional: Also, this is merely an opinion, within the (mainly) North-Indian socio-cultural context. others I am sure will have different opinions. Idea is not to win a discussion, idea is to raise questions and initiate discussion.Thank you. 

..............And then there are the women who are forced to pray for their husband's long life even though the husband beat them every day after his pegs and hurls abuses at her.Wonder what the woman whose yelps I hear near our badminton court late in the night, begging her husband to spare her the slaps, prays for on Karva-chauth? What would I pray for? 

http://www.canstockphoto.com/illustration/wife-beater.html#file_view.php?id=4435427

Or is it that the socialization process tells the women to accept the husbands/sons no matter what they do and who they are as HUMANS? Bet the alcoholic, beating husband doesn't care a hoot, but the mother or mother-in-law would force the woman to do the fasting and poojoing the guy. And she would do it for fear of "society" and to save herself and her family (read husband) the ridicule from the "other" women around her. Is it about the men really, that our society needs to change? Do we everyday women need SERIOUSLY to rethink our everyday positions and unquestioningly accepted roles and behaviour patterns in marital and natal families, friend circles, society at large.DO WE NEED TO SPEAK UP AND not unwittingly accept and partake silly traditions? For fun or for anything for that matter!!

 I want my daughters and all their friends, girls and boys, to ASK themselves these questions. I want them to make sure they ask their boyfriends and girlfriends respectively and/or partners to be,questions like: what they think of festivals like 'karva-chauth' in today’s context when India is struggling to bring social justice to it's womenfolk? Can the younger generation on my friends list, opinionated young ladies and gentlemen, who do have an opinion on this particular festival, I know you do, please share it without fear of ridicule on your walls. forums, among yourselves even if it means going against mainstream society and parental values. Because, until you all start thinking and talking and putting your foot down, nothing will change. Because, how can we change mindsets of a society that is not even participating in everyday discussions about everyday societal activities. Are any of you fighting moms for praying for violent husbands? ANYONE? And remember, if you air a view does not always mean you yourself are going through it, it means you are aware that these things happen and you want to change it in your own lives.Cause if we bring the change in our thought process we have helped change one family, ours, family, the basic building block of society.Think, think, ACT.



Comment:  Didi this is something I run into every year coz every one around me fasts. I just simply cannot! I never have and never will. My husband is amazing and loves me to death, but he's not god. Thankfully he agrees so I don't run into a big issue about this. I find it very hard to believe that in the US and in this day and age we are following this blindly and not questioning it at all. And you are right, not evolving as a society.. But then again it's a belief thing and I don't want to offend anyone's.

Response:  I understand your stand totally. Also, the relation between a couple is purely their business. For example, I or you or anyone might hold their partner in high esteem, (I am not questioning that at all) but I think that this festival somehow in some of it's rituals forces women to publicly stamp their marital status as a loving wife who will touch the husband’s feet before food intake irrespective of whether the husband is deserving of such stature or not. And this in a small way I link to the overall manner in which the women look at themselves as subservient to the male. This need not be a conscious looking upon oneself, but surely it has sub-conscious repercussions. 

 An Indian woman is touching the feet of her husband, a tradition to show respect that is embedded in      culture. As painted by a west-Indian artist, circa 1530. This is the ritual followed during Karva-Chauth too all over North India.


Quote from Wiki: (Food for further thought and discussion) : The festival has been criticized as being inherently sexist because there is no reciprocal fasting by males.[26] There have been calls to modify or eliminate the festival by commentators who hold it to be "anti-women" and to "perpetuate the notion of women's dependence on men."[27]Karwa chauth has been cited as a symbol of cultural repression of women by some Indian feminists, such as Madhu Kishwar who has put it in the same class as "Khomeinivad" (i.e., pushing women into position of subservience to their husbands, similar to the family structure allegedly favored by Ayatollah Khomeini).[28] Some writers have asserted that such "rituals work insidiously" to create a "an instrument of social control" that oppresses women and that the even greater popularity of Karwa Chauth among urban, educated participants raises the question of "which is the greater barrier to women's liberation: religion or the market.”

Comment: Can I add my tuppence?.....I think its regressive and helps to perpetuate the theory of women always being subservient .....myth, religion all mixes up to make the stories of non-adherence being fatal and so the tradition to continue this ritual goes on.....why do men need to outlive women?...and how does what I eat anyway have anything to do with any god?...where does one stop?....oh but then the idea is never to...you see. Your life has to be lived according to 'them'....your will and wishes don't count....you are given a few concessions like buy yourself bangles and bling and stay home and brainwash yourself....sorry if I have hurt anyone...but then its all my tuppence...so there....Blech !

Response:  And am not saying "I" am holier than thou to anyone.But, the next generation is MY kids and they just NEED to stop al this. ALL of them as,save them all from what has been rightly calls regressive and repressive behaviours, and not just mine, as they are the "deviants" like I have been all of my years  hahahahaa!! We have to have them THINKING man!!

Comment:  I totally agree that some rituals were created to create the social control over women, but that doesn't apply to most women today, so why do we continue? I think most women don't want to make a change, it's a fun little ritual for them and some men are also fasting with their wives. But no one wants to question it. That's strange.

Response: And is this not where the "market" comes in ? It is the commercialization of it all that has led to the larger numbers of women ignoring any questions their brains might be wanting to raise.It is fine as long as it stays fun but does it? What I am trying to point to are the deep rooted underlying socio-cultural (male centric) ideologies of these innocuous "little" "fun" festivities that we say are "so" difficult to change when bigger issues like "women abuse in society" occur.


This is just a short discussion that has caused a few thinking young minds to open up. Do we all need some serious self analysis??

Killing Fields, Gendercide....Evan Grae Davis....we can overcome and we shall....deep in my heart I do believe.....

It can not be a colourful font I use today. I usually blog in bright happy colours, I am a happy colourful person.....but today my mood is black and my heart is weeping. I am not here to blog to win prizes!!?! My mind is screaming. 

But, yes, I am very glad of the cue that I got from the videos I watched sent to me by Indiblogger. Franklin Templeton Investments partnered the TEDxGateway Mumbai in December 2012, and honestly what a good job done. 

Because, I strongly believe that to  be able to change something, we first and foremost need to admit to it. We need to admit to ourselves that we all as a society, as a race, as a whole, are responsible for the evils we create and the killing (physically or by killing her soul by physical abuse and torture) of girl children is the worst evil there is. Whether it is China, India, Cambodia or any other place in the world, this crime is rampant and must stop. By these talks and through blogging much awareness can be built around these issues.

I will use black and green for this post.I equate green to nature and peace.....to an attempt to appeal to the natural tendencies of humans of love and caring, nurturing and protecting one's own fellow humans and protecting those who are vulnerable.I would like to warn you my dear readers and friends that this post is not for the weak hearted. It is a hard hitting, time consuming, pain causing, thought provoking and action demanding post. So, let us say, proceed at your own risk but if you choose not to proceed, do also remember, that the risk you take by choosing to ignore these facts that are about to unfold in front of you, you are risking the future and even the lives of many many many young innocents.

Evan's talk on TedX is simple yet impactful. He talks about the documentaries he has made on genocides and human suffering through which he hopes to bring awareness on these issues. He further describes gendercide which troubles him deeply as it does me.His talk presents clear statements of facts for us to first and foremost acknowledge what we all have allowed happen by simply not screaming out against it at the right time.

Here is a picture of the tree at Killing Fields in Cambodia, Evan Grae Davis talks about in his documentary. Here at the Killing Fields, genocide took on an entirely new meaning....sometimes one wonders at the mean capacity of human thought, and it leads one to question many things including the presence of God.If there is a God then how does he/she allow this?

The above picture shows the pain and sorrow at getting to know about the many many young kids who were smashed against this tree by the perpetrators of the Khmer Rouge crimes.This barbarous act was done so that no children and women remained to inflict revenge in later years on the Khmer Rouge.

To read more about the Khmer Rogue read here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khmer_Rouge

Yet, when one is lost for answers, who does one turn to? One has to appeal to a higher presence to help ease the pain, to beg for peace and love for those who have been taken from us so brutally, to beg for forgiveness for the inhuman humanity that lost it's way and became the barbarians they did. Frantically searching below, for a paper and pen to write a prayer for those thrown uncaringly 

into these mass graves.

With a fervent hope that the love and prayers reach the other world.

After a troubled tour of the entire Killing Fields seeing human teeth and nail remnants in trails, patches on the field and praying the many skulls of those gone by through the genocide here....... 

.................we arrived at the counter to write our experiences.

How sensitive a young child's note towards the people who were so brutally killed ,of whom most were women and young girls. To understand that it is important for them, even in death, to know that people care for them...it brought tears to my eyes.....but somehow the above note did not say just about enough.So, some discussion was done as to what should be added...

......some more minutes of concentration and some more writing.....

The final note below which gave some solace to the heart and troubled soul of a young sensitive mind.....

By making our own children aware and sensitive to these issues in every small way possible, we can go a long way in hoping for a peaceful future for humanity.

Just say the statement below ten times to understand the meaning of gendercide.

Millions killed, aborted or abandoned or trafficked simply because they are girls.

I am aghast at what I see and what I read around me.

Look at the picture of this girl. 

I am unable to sleep many nights just hoping and praying she is safe....why you ask.....here's why.....

Because there is a craze in South East Asia for sleeping with a young virgin....

Here is an excerpt from an article ,I recently read, by someone who worked at the International Justice Mission here....on sex-tourism in Phnom Penh Cambodia and other South East Asian countries.

As heartbreaking as this problem here is, these Westerners only account for roughly 10% of men seeking underage girls. There is also a large demand for virgin girls from groups such as Asian businessmen travelling through Cambodia believing that sleeping with virgins will bring them luck in their business endeavours.

The greatest demand for virgins, however, comes from Cambodian nationals. Beliefs that sleeping with virgin girls will keep them looking young, make them more powerful, cure them of HIV and bring them luck produce a high demand amongst Khmer men.

One man who purchases sex with young girls claims, ‘I was told that if I had sex with a virgin girl it would enhance my powers. Enhance my beauty, that is, stay young forever’.

Another said, ‘Most people might see that I look young. Personally I believe it. I think I stay young because I have slept with young virgins.’

The demand for virgins is self-perpetuating. The value placed upon virginity means that men seek younger and younger girls in order to ensure that they are virgins. Of course, where so many of Cambodian sex workers are HIV+, the demand for a true virgin becomes even greater, as men want to protect themselves.

What does one do? How does one react to the above? It is bizzare to say the least. I agree that it might take ages for thought processes and things to change. Everything is so ingrained in the socio-cultural fabric of these societies that any change would take years and years. But, because of this, one can not give up and let such crimes continue.

As Rita Banerji of the Fifty Million Missing Campaign rightly says in the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=42i1sIZ-9kQ
we need to turn the mirror around...we need to look at ourselves.

Please watch the (entire) following video by pressing the link below to understand the true impact of her statement.The climax of the video is extremely important.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bcrfQmqhIA

We must all take some time each day to think, reflect and take action at our own level, however small, to change our perceptions towards the girl child....and according to me any change in society starts within my own family.

This beautiful kid has an equal right to live a decent happy carefree life as do my own children. In our own small way we try to exchange some moments of happiness with these young perturbed girls...

There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can't go on pretending day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We all are a part of God's great big family
And the truth, you know,
Love is all we need......(We are the world)